


One Unfortunate Blonde

by Clandestine_Dragon



Category: Bleach, Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Humor, M/M, Slash, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-18
Updated: 2014-09-16
Packaged: 2017-11-21 11:15:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/597097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clandestine_Dragon/pseuds/Clandestine_Dragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Always be careful when fighting with one of the Kurosaki brothers - you could end up either breaking a T.V, or not getting any for a year. Or both. In Shiro's case, it's getting kicked out of the house. This situation can only make his new neighbor's life hell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

There were very few things that could make Shirosaki break out into a blind, angry rage that consumed his entire being and made him susceptible to violence…. Wait…what? No, that's definitely a lie. There are very few things that don't make Shirosaki break out into a blind, angry rage that consumed his entire being and made him susceptible to violence. Or is he just susceptible to violence no matter the mood because he's just fucking crazy? Well, whatever the reason – Shirosaki was feeling violent today.

But it wasn't like that was out of the ordinary or anything. He didn't even have to be angry for it to happen, for fucks sake. He could've been watching a program on baby rabbits and still felt the beginnings of a bloody rampage come on. But maybe that wouldn't be that surprising either; seeing as watching something as girly as a rabbit program would send any respectable man into an awful mood of unusual, destructive proportion.

We're off track now, aren't we? So the reason for Shirosaki's violent mood today wasn't actually important – seeing as it could be a number of things that set him off – what actually was important would be the effects of his destructiveness. Namely, the front door of his shared apartment, approximately five vases, ten plates, a window, and the stove; all shattered or…dented in about half way in several spots.

When Shiro finally calmed down, which in itself is amazing – Shiro never calms down – it struck him that his roommates would probably be very disgruntled when they got home. Especially since Shiro was technically a moocher – despite his well-paying job – that lived off his older, by minutes, brother and his brother's boyfriend. The violent-prone man ran an albino-pale hand through silver hair, shuddering at the thought of his twin's annoying, bitchy voice. He could hear it already. "You bastard, what the hell? I just bought that china set last week – it matched my cups perfectly!" Shiro giggled aloud. His brother was such a homo. He probably got his interior design abilities from their dear mother.

Then again…that's where Shiro got his own interior designing abilities from – it certainly wasn't their dumb-ass father – so he probably couldn't say anything. Oh well. He was still sticking by the statement that his brother was a flamer. Let's disregard that Shiro was flaming it up just as much (women suck).

"Ugh. I'm definitely not looking forward to listening to Ichi-berry's bitching." Idly he considered hightailing it the hell out of there. But that would be like running away. Being a pussy wasn't his style. He'd just have to grin and bear it right through Ichigo's tirade. Probably by tuning him out. Hey, it was better than running away with his tail between his legs!

Shiro left the kitchen – and its mangled stove with it – to the adjoined living room and its comfy, comfy couch. Propping up his feet, he switched on the stereo, turning on some Dope, probably effectively blasting out the neighboring apartments. Not like he really gave a shit, though.

A wide grin stretched across the albino's face as the thrumming in his veins started up; heavy metal never failed to get him pumped. Giggling, he sang along – rather off key too – "Watch out here I come! You spin me right round baby right round…" due to the sheer volume of his music, he didn't hear the door open, nor did he hear Ichigo's grumbling, or Grimmjow's – Ichi-berry's boyfriend – laughter, nor the scolding from the orangette to the blunette ('Don't fucking encourage him!'). He did, however, hear the screech that erupted from his twin's lips when he saw the vases. Shiro shut off the music just in time to hear Ichigo's scream of utter fury when he stepped into the kitchen.

The albino actually felt a little wary. Grimmjow, standing in the doorway of the kitchen, was completely tense – his eyes turned back to look at Shiro. "Yer so fucked, man."

"Like Ichigo could ever beat me in a fight. HAH!"

"YOU BASTARD!" Shiro's livid twin sprinted out of the kitchen, stared wildly at his brother for a whole of two seconds before leaping at him, arms outstretched almost comically. Shiro nearly laughed, but then there was a fist in his jaw, so he grunted instead. Damn, he forgot what a good right hook his dear brother had. Not that Ichigo was in any way superior to him though. Ichigo had morals, Shirosaki liked to tell people to go fuck themselves as they lay bleeding on the floor. There was no way his twin could beat him.

This conviction stayed even as that tanned fist met with his face again – and again, and again. He had sunk down into the couch a good few inches before he decided to retaliate. Slamming his knee into Ichigo's stomach, he started giggling as his brother struggled to catch his breath. Grabbing a handful of orange hair, he pulled, causing a bitchy little whimper to escape his brother's lips. Pathetic. "Bastard…!"

"Ichigo…." Grimmjow tried his best to sound concerned – only succeeding in sounding somewhat breathless. Shiro spared him a glance – Ichigo was bent over near his lap – and chortled at the excited look in the blunette's eyes. The albino almost wanted to get a raise of the taller man – what a fight that would be. Two on one battles had somewhat of an appeal to him. Ooh, he was getting excited. Before he could call out to goad the trembling bluenette, Ichigo yelled out.

"Damn it, you pervert!"

Shiro looked down, "Oh…that's what felt so good, eheheh."

So he hadn't had the time to taunt Grimmjow; but it wasn't like it mattered, as seeing Ichigo's face pressed into his twin's need did the job quite nicely. With an animalistic growl, the taller man leapt into action, landing on Shiro's back. Ichigo reached up to grab his brother's wrist, clamping down, attempting to get rid of the pressure on his hair. The albino grumbled; he couldn't be having that….He leant down and bit the offending hand, dragging an affronted yell from his twin. "The hell?"

Grimmjow pried Shiro's fingers from the mass of abused, orange hair, "Hands off the strawberry." A fist landed in the man's face, and it wasn't an albino-pale one.

"Don't call me that!"

"…Sorry."

Shiro cackled in delight at Grimmjow's misfortune. "Aww, you're so pussy-whipped….Or is that dick-whipped?" he dodged the blunette's retaliation, and Ichigo's punch just barely skimmed his cheek. The albino giggled again, and then grabbed Grimmjow's hands still on his back, bouncing, he managed to flip him over, nearly into the coffee table. It backfired when the blunette used Shiro's momentum to also throw him. Right into the T.V.

Everyone went silent. Grimmjow, beside the coffee table, looked in horror at the albino ass-planted into the television set, then over to Ichigo. The orangette had a blank look on his face – as if he was still processing what had just happened. All too soon it became clear. Instead of blowing up like he normally would, Shiro's beloved twin got very quiet, stood, and proceeded to retreat to his and Grimmjow's bedroom.

"Babe-"

"I will kill you if you keep talking." Ichigo slammed the door in the blunette's face. The man actually deflated, looking like a lost kitten. That lasted for a whole of 3 minutes, then he was turning around to glare lethally at Shirosaki – who was still stuck in the rubble of the T.V, mind you.

Grimmjow growled and advanced on the albino like a predator, Shiro was relatively unimpressed. "This is your fucking fault!"

"Hey now," gritting his teeth, he climbed out of the destruction he had somewhat caused, "I wasn't the one to throw someone into a television, kitty-cat." There were shards of glass in his ass…Great. Couldn't Ichigo have called their dad? Shiro didn't want to talk to the buffoon unless he was in doctor mode. Oh yeah…Ichigo was having a bitch fit. Quite silently too – and that was never good.

"You caused the fight in the fucking first place!"

Shiro rolled his eyes at the other man. Grimmjow was practically seething, looking ready hiss and scratch at any moment – if he'd had a tail, it would be lashing. Aww. "You didn't have to jump in and throw me into a T.V, Kitty-chan. That's a cute look on you by the way."

The blunette growled again. "Aww, does the kitty wanna play?" Grimmjow bristled, true to Shiro's pet-name. "Sorry, but my ass doesn't want to play right now." The albino stood up as straight as he could from the floor, groaning slightly.

"Shit…." The other man actually sounded a little guilty. But then he remembered Ichigo, and the fact that he wouldn't be getting any for…like a month. "You fucking deserve it."

"Yeah yeah, whatever." Shiro hissed, "Hey. Could you do me a favor, Kitty-chan?"

Grimmjow glared for a little while, a disbelieving look on his face. Then he looked at the other's ass, which was bleeding a little noticeably through white sweatpants, he sighed. "What the hell do ya want?" he crossed his arms and grimaced.

"Could you pull these shards out? They fucking hurt."

There was silence. Then; "Hell no."

"You suck, Kitty-chan."

"I know. Quite well too."

"Oh really now? You could show me, that'd be nicely distracting." Shiro indicated down to his bleeding posterior.

Grimmjow actually smirked, just the slightest. "I'll pass, albino. Go find someone else to suck you off."

"Damn."

And just like that, two of the three were okay with each other again. Shiro went into the bathroom to fix his ass as best as possible, standing in the shower with the curtain half-closed. Grimmjow sat on the toilet, surprisingly keeping the other company. Then again, Ichigo was currently off limits with his pissy mood, threats, and locked door, so the blunette had nothing better to do.

"How long do ya think Ichi-berry'll be mad at you?" Shiro said conversationally, well, as conversationally as he could get while pulling glass shards out of his buttocks.

"Who fuckin' knows? I broke his T.V, you broke his stove…And his favorite china set." Shiro cackled at that, making Grimmjow start. "Uh, any reason you just laughed like a psycho?"

"Since when do I need a reason?" the albino returned.

Grimmjow had known Shiro and Ichigo for seven years now, and that had definitely been a stupid question. "Good point." They fell silent save the albino's quiet moans of pain as he pulled out all the shards of glass. How many fucking pieces were there?

"You're going to be depraved for a couple months, Kitty-chan. You sure you don't wanna suck me?"

The blunette snorted, "And never get any again? No thanks."

"Hah, never again? That's a bit dramatic. It's not like you couldn't find someone else." Shiro turned on the water, sitting down on his haunches.

Grimmjow's voice was serious, and angry, when he replied. "Ichi is mine, and no one's gonna replace him." If he hadn't been too busy hissing at the water on his bleeding skin, he would have laughed hysterically. His twin really had turned the blunette into a pussy.

"Let's…ugh…See if you still say that in a couple months."

The blunette said nothing for a few moments. "…You think it'll last that long?"

Shiro cackled, "You're asking me that? You know Ichigo; he can hold quite the grudge."

"It's not like I'll just make him pay fer it! It'll all be alright if I just get the money to him, right?" Shiro giggled again, if only just to mess with Grimmjow. Personally, he knew they wouldn't fight past a week, they were too fucking sappy – he just liked to push the bluenette's buttons. "Shit."

Grimmjow stood up, and Shiro rolled his eyes to hear obvious pacing. He turned off the water. "Would you make yourself useful and get some bandages for me?"

"Shouldn't you go to the hospital to make sure all the glass is out?"

"Meh. I'll figure it out eventually if I didn't get it all."

There was a sound vaguely like 'crazy bastard' then a banging as the other man flung open the sink-cabinet door. Hopefully to get that first aid kit Ichigo always made sure to keep stocked. A moment later, he was happy to see the plastic box being pushed through the shower-curtain.

"Do you really think Ichigo will be pissed for two months?"

Shiro grinned to himself, "Ichigo was pissed at his last boyfriend for an entire year…then he just decided to break it off." This was actually true. Poor Baboon-chan. But he definitely didn't think this'd happen with Grimmjow.

The bluenette breathed sharply; probably from a mix of trepidation and jealousy of the unnamed ex-boyfriend. "A year? Then a break up? …fuck."

"Get comfy on that couch big guy…and make sure you scan those newspaper ads."

"Shit!" Hah. How gullible.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Several hours later found Shiro sitting gingerly on the couch, and Grimmjow sitting in front of it, coffee table completely covered with newspapers from that week. The T.V had been cleaned up by a panicking Grimmjow and the man was currently staring at apartment ads with a look of depression on his face. Shiro repressed a giggle.

It was near 12:00 a.m. and Ichigo had yet to show his face or show a sign that he was even inside his room. The stereo was playing quietly, to Shiro's disappointment, as to not anger the orangette, but still keep the two men in trouble a little entertained. Grimmjow looked just about as glum as he could ever get. And Shiro? He was reveling in listening to the dick-whipped sap drown in his misery.

"What if he never takes me back?" Grimmjow took a swig from a bottle sitting right next to him. "I've gotta get an apartment set…I can't make him hate me!" Another gulp. He hadn't needed anymore vodka three hours ago. Shiro chuckled. He couldn't help it this time. "The hell are you laughin' at?"

"You're such a fucking homo."

Grimmjow stared for a moment, "All because of…Ichi. Shit! Ichi!" Shiro jumped at the apparently drunk man's exclamation. He was definitely worried when the man slammed his head into the coffee table, looking ready to break another T.V. "Damn it, Ichi!" his face looked pained. Shiro rolled his eyes.

The door to Ichigo's room slammed open and the orangette stomped out. Grimmjow made a seizure-like movement, flipped onto his hands and knees facing his boyfriend, then scrambled up. Or tried to at any rate, he collapsed about five feet forward, once again on his hands and knees. "I-Ichi!" the man's voice was so panicked and terrified that Ichigo faltered in his glare.

Shiro watched mildly as the bluenette proceeded to plead on his shaky knees for forgiveness. "Ichigo! I'm so sorry! I'll buy you a new T.V, I swear! I'll fucking clean up my act, I'll never throw someone across the room again!" Shiro bristled slightly; he hadn't been thrown that far. "Please don't make me go celibate for a year and then break up with me!"

Ichigo stared, wide-eyed for a short while, blinking rapidly. Then he rolled his eyes at the pathetically drunk man and turned his famous glare unto his twin. "Did you fucking tell him about Renji?"

The albino grinned, "Of course I did, Ichi-berry!"

His glare darkened. Then he approached Grimmjow, who was still pathetically groveling at his lover's feet. "Come on, you idiot." He dragged his boyfriend up, sent another glare to his brother, then dragged the bluenette into his room, slamming the door behind him.

Shiro rolled his eyes. His brother was such a bitch.

Having nothing better to do, the albino switched off all the lights in the living room and the kitchen, hobbling all the while. He raided Ichigo's linen closet, then made himself comfortable on the couch. He closed his eyes, fully intent on falling asleep.

Then he heard a moan. And then a consistent banging. Well, he could fall asleep after a quick meeting with his hand, right?

Shiro slept well that night. Absolutely no dreams bothered him and he was nicely relaxed when he finally went to bed. Waking up was an entirely different scenario. He woke up to a book meeting his head. Bleary gold eyes opened to shoot a morning-grumpy glare at his self-important-looking twin.

Ichigo had his hands on his hips, looking every bit the bitchy gay man ready to throw a righteous bitch fit. "What's up your ass, Ichi-berry? Oh, I know!" the orangette rolled his eyes. But the fact that he didn't do anything more was the testament to the sheer power of a good fuck.

Grimmjow, in the background, was the testament to the sheer power of too much alcohol. He lay face-first on the table, groaning irritably.

"Shut up, Grimm." Ichigo shot mildly behind him. "You."

Shiro raised a brow, "You're not mad at him anymore, but you still refer to me as 'You'? That's not very polite." He crossed his arms. "So the one who gives you the buttsex gets the easy way out? Because I'm open to that."

Ichigo growled, "Will you just shut up! That is disgusting!"

"Mm, disgusting is dirty and dirty is the only way to go. Don't be such a girl, Ichi-berry."

"Stop calling me that. And I need to talk to you about something." The orangette had his infamous glare on his face, but at least it wasn't his pissed one, this was just the everyday one. "You…You are going to pay for the stove, a new set of dishes, and the T.V."

Shiro scoffed, "The T.V. wasn't even my fault!" This was favoritism, he just knew it.

"It was your fault the whole fight happened, so you're paying for it." Ichigo shifted his weight to his left leg. "Another thing." Grimmjow came out of the kitchen to stand next to his boyfriend, looking somewhat amused. "You need to find a new place to live."

The albino stared at his twin. Fucking seriously? Grimmjow – the cocky bastard – grinned, "Look's like you'll be the one needing the newspapers, huh?" he chuckled sadistically, Ichigo cocked a challenging brow, and Shiro groaned. Couldn't they have waited to wake him up to tell him this? At least 12, really. No breakfast for him, apparently.


	2. Delectable Package

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter is short. I apologize for this...

"And this is the floor you'll live on." Shiro's future apartment landlord made an elaborate flourish with his hand, as if presenting a five star hotel opposed to a shabby, broken down, shithole. The albino sneered at the balding, pepper-dusted, sweating, fat man. "We have some charming people here."

Shiro giggled hysterically at that, making the man jump in surprise, then shiver in disturbance. "I'm sure you'll fit right in…" He mumbled in misery to himself, though Shiro still heard him; and that only caused him to laugh even more.

From that point on, the tenant seemed overly eager to get the silver-haired man to his apartment, actually bringing his speed up to a hurried waddle.

"And…huff…here we are." Fat and balding stopped in front of apartment 5, breathing heavy. Shiro smirked widely. "Rent…ha…is paid on Mondays," he paused for air, "Utilities every month, pets require a deposit." Shiro raised a brow at this. "And no smoking." At this, another brow raised and fat and balding shifted his mammoth-like weight in nervousness. "T-that's all."

"Sure thing, rolly." The man stiffened in offense and Shiro took that opportunity to grab his loosely dangling keys from the landlord's chubby hand, open his door, and slam it into the man's face.

He cackled merrily, letting it belt out as the man waddled away, no doubt with sinking self-esteem. Ah, Shiro loved fucking with people. Then he composed himself, somewhat, and turned around, taking in his new abode.

The apartment needed some major work, which had been a given when Shiro had first laid eyes on the shit-hole building. He had fully been expecting the creeping mold, but he still eyed it with disdain. "Fuckin' gross." He took a deep breath. "No smoking ma ass. I should have kicked that fat ass down the stairs."

Grimmjow would be dropping by tomorrow with all of Shiro's shit in that big truck of his, so he had to make this place fuckin' clean before then; except he sucked at cleaning with extreme prejudice. That had always been Ichigo's forte. Shiro hadn't cleaned since he lived with old goat face, and that had been some of the shitiest cleaning jobs you'd ever see.

He looked idly at a millipede crawling on his kitchen linoleum and cussed. Maybe he should just hire someone and rent a hotel for the night. He refused to sleep on this shit.

"Fuckin' twin…." Shiro grumbled.

The albino made a quick rundown of the apartment, living room/kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom; there was trash, a broken couch covered in black mold, trash, some broken glass, trash, an old pizza box, and then a garbage bag. Shiro warily eyed that black bag before looking inside and deeming it body-free.

Now he had something to work with.

Around 11 a.m. he had finished picking up all the trash laying on the floor, just in time to hear the mail man make his rounds on their apartment. Shiro hauled the garbage bag to his door, cursing his brother all the way. He kicked his door open and started at the sight of a tall man wearing black all the way to his head.

Shiro raised a brow; 'charming people' indeed. This guy looked suspicious enough to be a fucking rapist.

Rapist-man currently had his back turned to Shiro, checking his mailbox. The albino shot him a cautious glance before continuing with his trash venture, not noticing a pair of bright pink and green eyes sizing him up. When he came back, the black-clothed man was gone and in his place was a much shorter blonde.

The albino stopped in his tracks, finding himself admiring that fine, lithely muscled back and firm-looking ass. Damn. Much better than the creepy-as-fuck rapist guy. This was one of his fellow tenants? Shiro grinned.

Blondie was shorter than him, thin and lean, and from what he could see through that tight black tank top, there were wiry muscles. Tan, golden skin especially appealed to the albino and for a moment he imagined what it would look like in contrast to his own pale complexion.

"Hey there." Shiro called out to his attractive new neighbor, hoping that the front was as sexy as the back. He wasn't disappointed when he caught sight of cat-like azure eyes – Grimmjow popped to mind for some reason – more delectable tan skin, and some intriguing whisker-like birthmarks. Shiro grinned widely, probably looking psychotic if a raised yellow brow was anything to go by. "So yer my new neighbor."

Shiro drawled out in content, quickly approaching the now wary-looking blonde. He held out a pale hand. "Name's Shiro Kurosaki." He toned down his grin a bit and the kid relaxed slightly.

"Naruto Uzumaki." Naruto clasped his hand politely, obviously trying not to stare at his neighbor rudely. It was the skin and eyes; it tended to make people stare. Shiro mentally gave Naruto a brownie point for attempting a little civility. In return, he didn't gawk at the kids birthmarks/scars. Not that he was the gawking type anyway. It was more like he refrained from pointing them out verbally. He was loudly rude, thanks, not that sneaky, backstabbing shit.

He released that tan hand and smirked. "How long ya been in this shithole?"

Naruto shrugged, closing his mailbox behind him, "About four years now." His lips were curved up in an amused smile.

"Four years? Ya look a lil' young fer that."

"Been here since I was sixteen."

"Huh." Where the hell were the kid's parents four years ago? "So whatcha do, Na-ru-to?" he gave some extra care to purr out the blonde's name and was rewarded with a light dusting of pink on those whiskered cheeks.

"I work at Ichiraku's," for a moment, Naruto looked dreamy, "Part time."

"Ah, the ramen place."

"Best place in the world!" the blonde grinned widely, "So…uh, you just moved in?"

Shiro smirked, "About an hour ago."

The blonde cringed. "Got a place to sleep? It's probably disgusting in there."

"Eh?"

Naruto smiled sheepishly. "I knew the guy who lived there last, obviously….He make the rest of the building look pretty, tebayo."

Shiro cocked his head at the kid's 'tebayo' then nodded. "Ya got tha' right." The albino eyed the 20-year old. "Nah, not yet; I was thinkin' I'd get a hotel fer the night.

The blonde shook his head, "You could sleep with me…" blue eyes widened and he blushed a bright red as he quickly corrected himself. "You could sleep at my apartment!" Naruto coughed, now looking absolutely mortified. Cute.

Shiro let loose another hysterical giggle. "That's one of the best propositions I've heard all month." He practically purred out, smirking at the blonde. Naruto twitched in response, carefully saying nothing. "Ya sure ya wanna offer that? Not many people would chance that."

The blonde chuckled somewhat nervously. "I'll take that chance. Can't leave my new neighbor out of a place to sleep, right?" His grin was bright and Shiro actually found it enjoyable to look at. Usually, cheerful people pissed him off. But this kid was hot, and Shiro seriously wanted to fuck him, so he made an exception.

"Well then, in that case…I'll take ya up, Naruto." He drawled out the kid's name sensually again. "Later though; I gotta clean my shithole before my actual shit gets here." With that, Shiro smirked heatedly at his generous neighbor and made to go back to his apartment.

"Hey!" the albino stopped, turning to look back at his now flushing neighbor. "I can help you out, tebayo. Two will make the job go by faster, right?"

Shiro raised a brow. "Ya don't want anything to do with tha' piece of crap apartment." He grimaced, "Believe me."

Naruto shrugged, that bright smile – and blush – not leaving his face. "Hey, I'm your neighbor! It's no big deal. I've seen the place already anyway." Shiro hesitated. He actually, honestly didn't really want to ask the blonde to help – which would be a first, he loved to torture people – but…he didn't really want to face that shit alone.

Shiro paused, scratching his head in a way that he would never admit mirrored his twin. "Well…in that case…."


	3. Unneeded Commentary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cleaning sucks when the landlord is supposed to do it.

Five. Fucking. Hours.

Five hours of practically shoveling up black mold into a new garbage bag, scrubbing linoleum, ripping up carpets - regulations be fucked in the ass - unclogging drains, and sweeping and they were just now making a little progress.

Fucking twin. Shiro was now ready to break into his brother's apartment and break the  _rest_ of his precious electronics.

The albino continued to grit his teeth in utter frustration even as he scrubbed under his sink - from which an absolutely rancid rotten egg smell came from - growling to himself and giggling in hysteria. Naruto, standing behind the pale Kurosaki, sweat dropped.

"Ah…Shiro?" Shiro grunted in response. "How do you feel about taking a break?"

How did he feel? How did he fucking feel? "Of course I wanna take a break!" He jumped up in what could almost be described as excitement and threw off his gloves into the sink. Turning around, he caught his neighbor's amused glance before the blonde turned around to lead them out of the hell-hole that was now Shiro's home.

They made it into Naruto's house and Shiro had to stare in appreciation of what an apartment was really supposed to look like. It was clean…for the most part. Nothing was dirty, there were no stains, and no food over a day old laying around. The only thing he could see was a pile of books on the floor, an empty container of instant ramen on the kitchen table, and a blanket tossed haphazardly on the couch, as if someone had slept there recently. It actually looked cozy.

Sure, the couch was an ugly brown with some horrendously orange pillows; there was some paintings of ramen cups on the walls; and everything smelled like miso, but it was comfortable.

Naruto beckoned for Shiro to follow him inside further and the albino complied, allowing his host to seat him at the kitchen table and serve him lemonade. Shiro sipped idly as he watched, over the rim of his cup, his blonde neighbor work his way around his kitchen.

The kid truly had a nice body. He was  _so_ going to fuck him one day.

"So, Naruto," Shiro called on the blonde's attention, "Ya got any friends?"

The whiskered teen sent him a look, brow raised and semi-offended, Shiro chuckled in amusement; it was cute.

"A few."

"Heh heh, don' get offended now."

Naruto tapped a few buttons on the microwave to start the cooking of instant ramen before turning to look at the albino. "I'm not, tebayo!"

"Yep. That's why yer poutin' so cutely." The blonde flushed. Whether it was in irritation or embarrassment at being called 'cute', Shiro wasn't sure. It'd be amusing either way.

There was a brief silence before Naruto was saved by the timer going off, he spun around so quickly Shiro barely noticed it happening and busied himself with the ramen. The albino's neighbor quickly set the cup in front of Shiro along with some chopsticks before preparing his own food. Shiro uttered a quick thanks out of habit - blame Yuzu - before breaking into the steaming noodles. It was a couple minutes later that Naruto joined him, breaking into his own ramen with an almost disturbing reverence.

They ate in more silence; Naruto finishing before the albino despite eating after him. When they were done they cleaned up their mess, mentally preparing themselves for he chore ahead.

"So ya never answered my question."

Naruto shrugged. "Dunno what to say…they're an odd bunch, but they're great, tebayo."

They stopped in the hallway that would lead them outside, Shiro leaning against the wall, and Naruto standing a little in front of him. "Girlfriend?" The albino paused, smirking. "Boyfriend?"

The blonde smiled slightly. "Neither at the moment."

Shiro grinned. "Surprising."

"…I know what you're doing, tebayo."

"Eh?"

Naruto smirked. "You're trying to avoid cleaning."

"Heh…am I that obvious?"

It  _was_ partly that. Partly.

* * *

The carpet could be seen now, and Naruto was making good use of one of their neighbor's steam cleaner. Nagato, was it? The red-haired man lived across from Naruto in apartment 6 and actually seemed alright despite his generously-pierced body and tattoo/pierce parlor, Akatsuki. He was well-mannered, sort of quiet, and, according to Naruto, had  _two_ lovers. Heh, more power to him.

Shiro was scrubbing the kitchen, removing layers of scum, mildew, and build up as best he could…though it was obvious the blonde was getting further than him. Thankfully, they were about halfway done now. They had tackled the bathroom - it looked clean, which was fucked up - the bedroom was clear of trash, and all the closets were cleared. All that was left was cleaning carpets, the kitchen, and a shit ton of air freshener.

It was, however, nearly midnight and they were definitely not going to be ready by the time Grimmjow came by with all of Shiro's belongings. Well, maybe if they pulled an all-nighter, but there was no way in hell the albino was going to do that, or make his neighbor do that.

"Hey, Naruto." Shiro called. The steam cleaner went off and the man continued. "I'm ready to turn in, you?"

"Oh kami, yes."

They left Shiro's apartment in a rush, entering Naruto's like it was sacred ground and they were being chased by demons. "The shower's right across from my room…you can go first, I'll get you a pillow and stuff."

"Ya sure?"

"Yeah."

The albino grinned wickedly, "We could shower together, ya know."

Naruto flushed. "Shut up and go take a shower, you pervert." He had been at the pale Kurosaki's joking mercy for several hours now, and he had basically been brushing it off with little discomposure at this point.

"That a command, master?" It should be illegal to say 'master' that way.

"Go!" giggling perversely, Shiro finally gave some mercy to his attractive neighbor and went into the bathroom, starting the shower and gladly washing off the grime on his body.

When he came out, Naruto had put out blankets and a pillow down onto the horrendously ugly couch, hands noticeably cleaner than the rest of his body. "Got any clothes I could borrow?" he wore a black towel around his bottom half and the blonde flushed bright red when he turned around, eyes undeniably going to the muscular torso presented to him.

"Y-yeah." Naruto was quick to flee into his bedroom, rustling around audibly in his dresser. He came back, handing black sweatpants and a blue t-shirt that looked too small over to Shiro, eyes decidedly averted. "Here…."

"Thank ya."

The blonde nodded, then was quick to make himself scarce into the bathroom. "M-make yourself at home!"

Shiro quickly put on the black pants, noticing how they hugged him way tighter than any of his sweatpants - which was to be expected. He attempted the shirt briefly, but at a dangerous near-ripping noise, he forwent the blue cloth. Which worked out better anyway; he enjoyed seeing his sexy neighbor flustered.

The albino seated himself on couch, scanning the apartment a little more closely. There was a small T.V across from him, a pile of books nearby, and then a coffee table with a notebook right in front of him. Curiously, he sprawled across the couch to reach the books, and picked one up.

'Fishcake' by Jiraiya Sennin. A popular book by a famous author about a child who had no parents. Shiro had never read it and idly he flipped open to the first page, reading about the boy on the streets who was known as 'Little Fishcake' because of his love of the delicious additions to ramen. Almost without even thinking, the albino continued reading, making himself comfortable on the worn couch.

A little while later, Naruto came out of the bathroom, hair wet and dripping, and he paused at the sight of his neighbor reading one of his books. He swallowed when he took note of the man's bare back and the shirt left on the floor.

"Shiro?" he called as he reached for the discarded article.

The albino jumped slightly, glanced at the page number - 15 - and then turned to look at the blonde who had somehow finished his shower and gotten dressed without Shiro noticing. "Pretty good book. Jiraiya Sennin is a pretty celebrated author, ne?"

Naruto nodded. "Yeah….I have all his books."

"What…is he an idol of yers or something?"

"I guess."

Shiro noticed the man's unwillingness to talk about the subject and actually backed off. "Time is it?"

"Twelve thirty."

"That all? It feels later."

Naruto half-smiled. "Maybe it has to do with that disaster you call home?"

"Heh. I suppose that has  _something_ to do with it." they lapsed into silence, Naruto fumbling with the shirt still in his hands. "What ya got planned tomorrow?"

"Off day."

"Hmm…."

Shiro shifted from his spot on the couch and Naruto diligently stared at the floor, away from his abs.

"You -" they both started at once then cut off. Shiro raised a brow expectantly.

"You wanna watch a movie?" the blonde asked quickly.

Hell yeah. Movie nights are always a good sign! "Sure. What, ya want it dark in here, sunshine?" he winked mischievously and delighted at the blush caused afterwards.

"Whatever, tebayo…." Naruto quickly turned on the T.V. and Wii, then opened Netflix. From the limited options there, they agonized over what to watch.

"The Human Centipede." Shiro said, smirk plastered on his face.

"Shove the centipede up your ass!" the blonde quickly disagreed with the disturbing movie. "Uh…how about Wayne's World?"

"Paranormal Activity."

"The Notebook."

"Are you shittin' me?"

They scrolled through all the categories before stopping thoughtfully on anime.

"Death Note?" Naruto asked hesitantly.

Shiro nodded. "I could go for that. Raito's a sexy piece of eye-candy."

With a snort, the blonde complied, picking the first episode and settling down onto the couch next to his new neighbor.

A few hours later found them still watching Death Note obsessively.

"Ryuk and Light have some sexual tension going on."

"What the fuck?"

"Admit it. If Ryuk had a human form, you'd ship them."

"Uh…." Naruto shuddered. "I'll stick to L and Light, thanks."

"That works too. Anything's better than Misa." Shiro scowled. "Annoying lil' bitch."

And it continued on...until, as it would turn out, they'd pull an all nighter anyway.

Just a less productive one. Unless you considered a popcorn war and unhelpful commentary through the entirety of 23 Death Note episodes productive.

7 A.M rolled around and there was a loud banging noise from one door down. Namely, Shiro's door. Naruto, giggling from lack of sleep, announced the obvious into Shiro's ear with a stage whisper. "Someone's at your shithole!" he burst into laughter.

It was almost obnoxious but the overly-sleepy blonde was cute, and currently draped across the albino's lap, so he didn't mind. "Prolly Grimm-kitty." he continued to sit, wondering if he really wanted to bother with the blunette right now. He probably should, it would be rude to keep him waiting. But…for some reason he didn't really give a shit.

The blonde yawned. "Don't you think you should go talk to him?"

"And waste the opportunity of him not knowing where the fuck I am?" Shiro curled into the couch, dragging Naruto with him. "I don't wanna talk to him. He's an asshole." then something akin to a pout crossed the albino's lips. "He didn't get in trouble and I did…."

Naruto chuckled. "But he's got your stuff."

"…Shit. Forgot about that." the banging, which had been pretty consistent through their little exchange stopped abruptly when another door slammed open. "Pissed neighbor?"

The blonde paled. "Anyone one on this floor getting pissed could lead to bloodshed…." He hopped up and ran to the door just as loud voices echoed through the hallway. Shiro shrugged, sitting back and watching his neighbor look outside the door.

"What's wrong with bloodshed?" the albino asked himself.

Naruto on the other hand cringed as he saw Hidan outside, looking very pissed at what he presumed was Grimmjow. Tiredness forgotten he watched the two with bated breath. Hidan was swearing his head off at an irritable looking blunette in clothes that spoke of just getting out of bed. He wore a leather jacket with a sweater underneath, very worn sweatpants, and fluffy leopard print slippers. Naruto sweat dropped.

"Keep it the fuck down, you sky-haired little bitch or Lord Jashin will make you pay in blood and AGONY." Hidan laughed in hysterical delight at the thought. Grimmjow raised a brow.

"You don't wanna fuck with me righ' now." the blunette said, a sadistic grin spreading across his face. "Ya want ta try me? I'm game for some bloodshed."

"You bitch, who the fuck do you think you're talking to? I'll beat the shit out of you, asshole!" Grimmjow's stance changed and it was obvious things were about to turn ugly.

"OI!" Naruto yelled in his loudest voice. Which was probably a little too loud for the situation taking place at 7 in the morning. Hidan and Grimmjow jumped at the noise now echoing through the hallway and Shiro cursed from inside the apartment.

"What the FUCK?" Grimmjow scowled, pushing a finger into one of his ears, one eye squished in pain. Both Hidan and him had turned to look at the interrupter of their dispute. Naruto didn't falter at the admittedly frightening sight, instead he gave his best face to counter it. Namely a wide smile that spoke of his readiness to beat the shit out of both of them - one he learned from his Uncle Kurama.

Surprisingly, both of the men faltered at that look. "Hey. You're Grimmjow, right?" Naruto asked and from in the apartment, Shiro groaned unhappily.

"Yeah. What of it?" now the man looked confused.

"Shiro's in my apartment."

"You know Shiro?"

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Come on. It's to early in the morning to be having a bloodbath." then he walked into his apartment, fully expecting Grimmjow to follow him. Thankfully he did, leaving a pissed off Hidan behind to swear at him.

Once the blunette was inside, Naruto shut the door and Shiro sighed loudly at the sight of his brother's boyfriend. "Hey Grimm-kitty."

"The hell are you doing?"

"Mooching off my new neighbor?"

Naruto snorted and Grimmjow rolled his eyes. "You ready to move your stuff?"

Shiro shrugged. "Not really?"

A blue eyebrow twitched. "…Come again?"

The blonde jumped in again. "Ah, well, the place is a wreck. We're almost done cleaning! But, yeah, it's not done, tebayo."

Grimmjow turned to look at the blonde. "What, yer helping him?" he jerked a thumb to the figure on the couch behind him. "Who are ya?"

"Naruto Uzumaki." the blonde smiled sweetly and Grimmjow twitched.

"Yer helping out a complete stranger that looks like  _that?"_

"Yup."

"The hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means you look like a rapist." Grimmjow tossed over his shoulder. "So how much still needs to be done? I don't think Ichi will take well to me bringing back his shit."

Shirosaki rolled his eyes. "Please…."

"Well, we have two rooms left, and steam-cleaning."

"When do you think you'll get done?"

Shiro jumped in. "Y'know, Grimm-kitty. If yer so impatient to finish up, you could help out."

"And I'd do that…why?"

"Because, deep down, ya feel guilty that you got let off easy and I got the short-end of the stick…even though it was really yer fault too."

…

"…I don't feel guilty at all, ya manipulative asshole."

"Keep telling yerself that, kitty-bitch."

And in the end, Grimmjow got strung into cleaning along with Shiro and Naruto.


	4. Prey In Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto quickly gets over any denial of being a potential predator.

With three people actually working in conjunction, they managed to finish cleaning the apartment at noon, around which Grimmjow got a call from Ichigo that made him wince a little. Shiro chuckled madly; his brother was apparently still bitching. After moving the little furniture in that Shiro had, it was decided that everyone needed to take a shower to forget the horror that they had finally left behind. Much to Grimmjow's chagrin, Shiro won the coin toss to see who'd go first. This left Grimmjow and Naruto alone on the floor, as Shiro did not own a couch, sitting in a semi-awkward silence.

Naruto, not surprisingly, was the one to break it, looking as sunny and cheerful as ever, despite how exhausted he was. "So…you're related to Shiro how?"

Grimmjow gruffly replied, staring forward. "His brother's boyfriend."

"Oh, so that's who you were talking to….Ichi, was it?"

"Ichigo. He has too sisters as well; twins." Naruto beamed at the freely-offered information. "They still live with their dad…high school students and all."

Naruto nodded in understanding, blue eyes probing Grimmjow for more. The blunette made the mistake of finally looking over at the blonde and flinched at the azure gaze. He fought against it by asking some questions of his own. "I've gotta ask….Why are you helping Shiro out?"

"It's…the nice thing to do?"

Grimmjow raised a brow. "So you just help out any random stranger that looks like they could use it…?" he shook his head in incredulity. "That doesn't sound really smart, brat."

Naruto glared for a minute at being called a 'brat', and then it melted away as if it was never there, replaced with an almost frightening feral grin. The older man stared, a little freaked out by the kid's seeming crazy mood swings. "Nah, not all the time. There's something different about Shiro."

' _Mental sanity…or lack thereof?'_  Grimmjow thought to himself dryly. He kept it to himself though. "Yeah? Like what?"

The blonde smirked widely, predatorily, actually drawing respect from the other male. "Would you be surprised to hear that I wanna jump him?"

There was silence, and then Grimmjow processed that and got the urge to start laughing maniacally. "Oh, that's rich. The prey wants to be the predator!" Naruto raised a brow, not amused by this reaction.

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"I'm pretty sure he's gonna be the one to do that 'jumping', brat."

Naruto glared darkly. "I-I can top too, tebayo!"

Grimmjow just laughed.

When the blunette's mirth died down a little bit, and the blonde forgot most of his anger, Naruto shyly popped the question. "You…really think he wants to jump me?"

Not quite expecting that, the older man glanced over at the younger incredulously. "Are you serious? He's been staring at ya like a dog in rut since this morning." Grimmjow briefly admired the pretty blush that spread across the blonde's cheeks before they were interrupted by Shiro finishing his shower.

"Yer up kitty bitch!" Shiro called, shamelessly walking around in a white towel. Grimmjow growled irritably while Naruto's blush just grew all the more.

Not answering the albino, Grimmjow pushed past him – a little roughly – into the bathroom.

"And then there were two." Shiro giggled.

Naruto chuckled weakly, eyeing the towel around the other's waist. "Yup…."

To the blonde's dismay – or was it delight? – Shiro made no move to go grab a pair of pants from his room; instead he approached Naruto, plopping down on the floor next to him, towel hanging precariously. Naruto glanced at the shark-like grin, and suddenly he considered Grimmjow's humor from before a little more understandable. "Erm….So, like, your apartment is missing a lot of important things!" he laughed awkwardly.

The grin just broadened. "Oh?"

"Yeah…you don't even have a bed, tebayo!" Naruto froze. "Uh…or a couch!" he held back a groan at his own stupidity. "I mean…where are you gonna sleep?" 'Just. Stop. Talking!' Naruto yelled at himself, flush darkening even further.

"Sleep, eh?" Shiro drawled, smirking. "Yeah, I suppose I should get one of those as soon as possible." He then added, oh-so-innocently. "Where do you prefer?"

"Nani?!" the blonde squeaked.

"To sleep?" the albino replied, keeping to a saint-like voice. Naruto resisted the urge to bury his face in his palms.

Shrugging weakly, Naruto replied. "I like to change it up sometimes." He really did groan this time. Luckily for him – he was currently using the word loosely – his new neighbor didn't comment.

"Same here, same here…." He drew out.

The blonde was a little hopeful that Shiro was going to stop talking now and let him relax a little from the tensing he had been getting the entire conversation.

"So Naruto, you should go out with me tomorrow." Said blonde choked on his own spit, and started coughing violently.

"R-reh?"

"I'm no good at picking out furniture, ya see."

The man had to be fucking with him, he just had to be. "O-oh, uh, well…I have to work tomorrow."

Shiro almost looked like he was pouting, but that couldn't be it…. "When do you get off?"

"Around one…?"

The albino grinned again. "Then you can come with me afterwards." Grimmjow decided to come out at that moment, still dressed in his grimy clothes. Shiro ignored him. "Well…? Ya gonna come with me, Na-ru-to?" Naruto flushed and Grimmjow sweatdropped, but decided to just not say anything.

"S-sure…."

"Great! I'm sure this outing will end very…fruitful."

Did he have to say it like that…?

Grimmjow just shook his head. "I'm not even going to ask."

"Beds and couches, dear Grimm-kitty. Maybe even a table!"

Naruto whimpered.


End file.
